I have 30 days left in my hometown. I set goals for myself that I’m not achieving. I am the laziest, demotivated, self loathing person I know right now. It’s not that I’m sleepy or anything. I’m more tired of getting out of bed than anything. And tired of functioning.
I need an attitude adjustment. I need a life adjustment.
lots of procrastinating, many half made up days, bust most of all many days where i’m my own worst enemy. spent my entire weekend retouching in the lab and barely saw the light of day. i spent many hours staring at a screen, spent a night at a fire surrounded by people i didn’t know, wandered through the halls aimlessly at the wee hours of the morn.
30 days left in Rochester. 30 days to find a job, pack up and move. 20 days to plan these shoots and shoot them that i was supposed to do over a month ago. 30 days to leave my life here behind.
Hope you get more work done :3 I'd like to see some! Can we talk on kik? Lol I had to go to your archive to see if you answered
I’m hopefully going to be updating my blog/website very soon. I have a photo tumblr and I usually reblog it all to this one as well, but caitlynpenkephoto.tumblr.com is a place you can go, or even caitlynpenke.com .
i’d like to get some more work done too, but right now that just seems to be a far off dream, ha!
in the past ten days i, traveled to maine, cuddled, sucked at life again and didn’t shoot because of life reasons, ate good chicken wings, celebrated an anniversary, shot a concept knowing immediately i wanted to reshoot but then life got in the way, didn’t shoot a concept because i didn’t have the right props, cried at a bus station, missed my flight, paid money i didn’t have for a new flight, saw my grandma in buffalo, slept in a comfy bed and didn’t want to wake up, and then returned to the shit life of home. my time away from rochester definitely had it’s up’s and down’s, ( most of the downs involving not getting a bunch of my work done again (because i suck at this whole art and life thing right now)) but it was way better than coming back to rochester and being told i have two weeks to find somewhere to live for the last two weeks of my life in rochester. yes, because i totally have the money to move twice in less than two weeks in october, while trying to find more time to pack, finish my school work, and work to make money. basically, i’m being told again that i don’t have the next month to do my school work and actually finish so i can graduate. a beautiful repeat of my summer where exactly that happened - i wasn’t allowed to do my work to graduate.
i’ve been absent from the computer for the past five days. last week thursday my family received the news that my great uncle jim had passed away. he’d been fighting a hard battle after suffering a stroke this past april. i was between buffalo these past few days going to the wake, seeing family, and attending the funeral this afternoon. uncle jim was a phenomenal man. without him being in this world, living the life that he did, being the marine that he was, our american and world history could be different if it weren’t for this man. Having received four purple hearts in his career, one which he declined, being a personal guard for President Truman, and serving in war, each and everyone’s life could be different. it’s amazing to think about how everyone’s actions shape our lives and if they never existed, how much different our world really could be. Rest in peace you incredible man. Tigger lovers always.
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